“Your life is like a magazine!”. A real sentence that a friend texted to me a couple days ago. I made a comment about being a mess and that was her response. This comment came on a particularly horrible day; my tank felt so empty, and my house was like a freaking circus (Why is everything I own always covered in yogurt?!). At first I laughed out loud….like, really loud…and then I got a sinking feeling in my gut. This comment was no doubt in reference to my Instagram feed or this blog- my highlight reels, the moments I’m not embarrassed to share. I felt bad.
The truth is, this weekend I fished toddler poop out of a blow up pool with a mason jar (if you’d like an explanation DM me). It’s been 5 1/2 months since I’ve posted a picture of me because I haven’t slept in 2 years and postpartum hair loss is so real. I drive my kids for an hour every day for Max’s nap, because I’m legit insane. Sometimes I cry because I miss the old Tracy, and I wonder if I’ve retained any of my brains or talent since having kids. Sometimes I get jealous that my husband gets to go to work, and eat out, and talk on the phone without little hands grabbing at it. I don’t like my dog that much anymore- just being real. 80 percent of our meals are from a crockpot. My house is a mess, no matter how hard I try, and the laundry situation is beyond explanation. I carry a huge amount of mom-guilt, with 2 kids so young- I feel like one of them is always waiting while I give attention to the other, and because of that I don’t allow myself downtime. Without downtime I feel burnt out…a lot. My life isn’t a magazine- it’s just normal stuff.
I love sharing products and recipes that I love. Truly, everything I write about is something I really use or enjoy. So when I put it out there, I want to share the absolute best images I can. Sometimes that means hiring a photographer, or staging a shot- which also involves me actually peeling my leggings off and looking alive.
I share moments I’m proud of, which is why you see my kids so much- they’re my pride and joy. I share things that make me happy- like food- food will always make me smile. But please don’t think for a second that any human on the internet has it all figured out. My life is beautiful, and I’m grateful every single day…but it’s not like a magazine….more like a comic book…with spilled milk on it- and I felt like it was important to let you know that.